Soul dating to soul mating definitive list dating offenses
Though not intentional on their part, those questions stung me a little bit. In the back of my mind, I hear this little voice say, “Your wife is your soul-mate, right? Though we agree on many subjects and share the same faith, I think that the verdict, by many popular standards today, would stand.
Something in me wanted to tell them that my wife and I had big plans and that we had many things that we naturally like to do together. You dated and found yourselves to have much in common. “Tall Dude, you may have found a friend, but you did not find and marry your soul mate.” Having said all of that, though, I am undaunted.
I help people release painful dynamics called diseases from their bodies.I found when I tried to heal someone of a potentially fatal disease and they were married to their soul mate, they died.When they were single or married to someone other than their soul mate, they survived.There is no such thing as a person who completes another person.The marriage of an incomplete person, seeking completion in another, has to be the greatest reason for divorce and miserable marriages. Sadly, it took me a long time to believe this in any meaningful way.Doubtless, those non-negotiables are to be weighty things like beliefs, values, goals, family…But while I was dating my soon-to-be wife and focusing on those things, I also should have been focusing on whether I believed that I could bring her greater joy and fulfillment. I can, however, love my wife’s garden because it is hers. She is very inquisitive about all of life, so I can point out aspects of the game that I know would interest her like player backgrounds and skill sets (not statistics, though, she hates that). There are a dozen things like these that I could list, whether it be movies, books, hiking, projects, or events. As a matter of fact, given the thoughts that I shared above, the thing that we are doing together is never the main thing.Infidelity, abandonment, abuse, lack of communication… To my wife’s credit, I think that she had a much better grasp on this truth than I and found her soul mate in me long before I found mine in her (more about that in “Soul Mates, Part Two”). In one sense, everyone needs somebody to love, but the desperation in this song and the desperation that I felt in my heart to f-i-n-d someone to love betrayed something broken in me that I believed a girlfriend or a spouse could fix. Each day I have to choose which one I want and which one I will strive to be. Dating is not the moral equivalent of taking a test-drive to see if a person meets our standards of comfort, style, and durability; and we don’t marry them and drive them off the lot because we did our homework and got a good deal.I had to come to grips, not just theoretically, but actually, with the facts that my wife is not the “fix” for my emptiness; I am not the “fix” for my wife’s emptiness; And the only thing worse than looking for someone to save me from my emptiness is trying to be a savior to the emptiness of someone else. But only one is actually possible and worth the effort in my estimation. Personal preferences like attraction, tastes, and personality do play into choosing the people with whom we wish to spend our time and our life, and, yes, it is wise to figure out what our non-negotiables in a companion are.By Jaentra Gardener On her last broadcast of the Oprah show, Oprah said something like, “You do not need someone to complete you. Neediness from a big picture perspective was necessary or we would not have embraced the suffering and pain to experience evolution. We wanted to learn evolution and then use that learning to increase the loving, positive emotions we feel.Jerry Maguire was only a movie.” Many of us are still looking for someone to complete us. The fish yearns for legs and walking on land, which are the impetus years later for growing them.