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According to Brittle, “Creating shared meaning is the top level of Dr.
John Gottman’s Sound Relationship House, a model for comprehensive relationship health.”When my husband and I were dating, we noticed that some of our best conversations came about when we were discussing a mutual intellectual interest—in our case, documentary movies.
Whether it’s reading together or something grander, such as saving to travel to a new place each year, research says that it takes at least sixty-six days for something to become a habit.
That means you have to give your new intellectual habit at least two months in order to have it really take root in your relationship.
In fact, studies show that the more we talk substantively and the less we small talk, the happier we are in general.
It’s not so much formal education that matters here as it is your ability to relate and build off one another. It’s probably the most common comment I’ve heard from friends who are navigating the dating pool.It can be tempting to brush off a little thing like intellectual compatibility when everything else is so good.So be patient and diligent to keep that part of your relationship alive even when things get busy and tough—it’s worth it.Cultivating an intellectual element to your relationship is a useful tool when you are trying to find out whether you’re really right for each other.Even though your goals may be very different, they should be on the same scale.For example, if your significant other is pursuing a Ph. in history and can’t get his conversation out of the Middle Ages whereas you are just trying to finish the series, you might have a red flag.Does your conversation leave you inspired and eager to dig deeper, or do you find that you have to simplify your thoughts in order to feel understood?When you’re out by yourself and discover something interesting, do you have the intense urge to share it with your significant other or not so much?Here are five ways to cultivate a thriving intellectual relationship and find out if you and your partner are compatible in the process.It is so important, especially while you’re still dating, to discuss your intellectual goals.